Job Interviews

Dear Donna,

Vilewatching, although in every other respect a satisfying pursuit, does not put food on the table, books in the shelf and attractive, gothic clothing in the wardrobe. I find myself presently seeking paid employment. All the interviews I have thus far attended have been extremely strange. I have been compared to "the girl in Picnic at Hanging Rock", received a lecture on Anglo-Irish relations and told I am both too old and too young. The jobs themselves seem uniformly dull and and at times perverse.

The whole process is both irksome and depressing. I am starting to wonder if I am being stalked by agents of the vile, or whether the problem is me. Possibly I am not suited for an office job, although it is in such roles that I have thus far spent my entire working life -- except for the stint at Disney Corporation, which definitely was vile.

Do you have any suggestions as to what careers may be suitable for a Vilewatcher, or other ways in which I might alleviate my current situation?

Yours Faithfully,

Frustrated Dilettante.

Dear Frustrated Dilettante,

Most job interviewers are agents of vile, and they seek to promote their hidden agenda by only appointing other vile types to every position that becomes available. If an interviewer has said you're both too old and too young for a particular job, that's a very strong indication that s/he will stop at nothing to keep you out of it.

No 'career' is suitable for a vilewatcher, certainly not in an office, because vilewatching is a VOCATION. Once blessed by the touch of Martin's famous charisma, food and attractive gothic clothing no longer matter. Let others eat! Let others wear clothing! Better to be naked and starving!

Except, of course, that you can pursue your vocation by donning a disguise of vile respectability, joining a workplace and reporting on the vile activities which go on there. Be a spy for Martin! Pretend to know all about Anglo-Irish relations! Vanish mysteriously like the girl in Picnic at Hanging Rock! Whatever it takes! We need vilewatchers to interview the job interviewers - only then can we drive them out.

Donna

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