Police swooped last night on the Zut-Alors Nightclub, following allegations of shocking and depraved behaviour. According to a police spokesman, female dancers were observed on stage wearing only bodices and cami-knickers. At one point, they consorted intimately with a vertical pole, sliding up and down and around the curved surface. It is understood that the pole was five inches in diameter and extended at least eight feet from floor to ceiling.

In his public statement, Police Commissioner Gellért said: 'We shall act without hesitation to stamp out such practices before they take hold in

our city. It would be a sad day for Buda-Pesth if our womenfolk turned from their husbands to seek unnatural satisfaction elsewhere.' Bishop Mátyás concurred: 'The Bible tells us that man and woman shall join together for procreation. If the good Lord intended women to consort with poles, He would never have created bark for trees.'

Police arrested the nightclub manager, Miklos Ferencsy, along with dancers Fifi Szigetvár and Lola Kosztka. The surface of the pole was rendered unusable with nails and staples.