IF YOU ARE A CASUAL WEB-BROWSER: MOVE ON!

IF YOU HAVE LANDED ON THIS SITE BY ACCIDENT:

READ NO FURTHER!

THIS IS NOT FOR YOU!

www.vilewatch.com is a secret website for the use of vilewatchers only.

Send more reports! Send more messages! Our website is up and running! Launched by our leader, Martin Smythe, and constructed by webmistress, Deborah Biancotti, www.vilewatch.com is our key weapon in the war against international vileness.

Wherever vileness occurs, in whatever far-flung corner of the globe, some vilewatcher will report it on this website. Our mission is to expose and halt the dark spreading tide!

OUR EYES ARE OPEN!
(but our lips are sealed)

We follow in the footsteps of our founder and leader, Martin Smythe, who uncovered the recurring force of vileness in human history. As he said: 'Look always for the vile behind the vilth!'

Although Martin has been driven underground by the agents of vile, he left two great texts for our guidance. Using the author's name of 'Richard Harland', The Black Crusade and The Vicar of Morbing Vyle contain true facts under the mask of fiction.

UNVILE AND UNVANQUISHED!

Vilewatchers everywhere, this site is for you. Let us know you're out there. Together, we can make a difference! Send your reports and articles to our e-mail address, post your messages directly onto our bulletin board.

LATEST NEWS!

TROUBLE IN VILEWATCHERDOM

Rumours and accusations are flying around, ever since a post on our bulletin board cast doubts on the integrity and loyalty of our webmistress. Webmistress strongly resents this imputation and is becoming very very ANNOYED. If her name has been abused or mis-used, the abuser/misuser should be warned that she can REACH YOU THROUGH YOUR COMPUTER! Sit in front of your computer with anti-webmistress thoughts in your mind, and you could get cyber-frazzled! Do you want your synapses turned into spam? Then TRUST YOUR WEBMISTRESS.

Stay united, vilewatchers! Don't be paranoid, Marco! There are no infiltrators or any other kind of traitors! We're all involved in the great war against vile - don't let's start turning on each other!

MARTIN ABANDONS E-MAIL ADDRESS

Vileness wins its tiny victory. In a note written on the back of a bus ticket and slipped under our door, Martin has told us that he doesn't want any more messages on his vilewatch e-mail address. It seems that agents of vile have been suggesting that his manhood is inadequate and requires chemical or other enhancement. Other agents of vile have been offering themselves to him in physical or photographic form, while others again suggest ways of making money on the stock market. An insult to our founder, who has turned his back on everything except his mission.

Regretfully, therefore, we have taken down Martin's address. But if you send your messages to us, at vilewatchers@vilewatch.com, we'll forward them to him as best we can.

A STATUE TO MARTIN

A wonderful suggestion has come our way - suggested by P.J. Murphy (not her real name) and taken up with enthusiasm by our activist Vilebusters, Ric and Rissa. It's time that a statue of Martin graced the centres of the Australian capial - and why not the State capitals too? There are empty spaces in malls and plazas crying out for a bust of our founder, or even a full head-to-toe replica. A certain abstraction and symbolism could be incorporated into the image, especially since no-one is exactly sure what Martin looks like. But the photos taken at Continuum provide an excellent starting point: beard, wide-brimmed black hat, upturned coat collar. The imagination of the artist woud supply the passion, the fire, the almost mystical determination.

Such a statue could be sculpted in bronze or marble, or any other suitable substance. Given the attitude of governmental authorities, the base of the statue would need some locking device to prevent easy removal. Alternatively, a highly mobile lightweight statue could be transferred from place to place by us, his followers and vilewatchers. In this way, one statue could serve for all the major shopping malls and public squares in Sydney, for example, or at least a large segment of Sydney.

If you are both artist and vilewatcher, please contact us to arrange funding, purchase and transportation of materials. We'll look after the rest!

SHAMEFUL!

Now we have the final revelation about Richard Harland. If anyone had any doubts about who's the real author of The Black Crusade and The Vicar of Morbing Vyle, they have the incontrovertible proof now. Harland has shown his true colours, as the author of a CAT book! Yes, a book that's just appeared called Sassycat: The Night of the Dead. Don't be misled by the sub-title - the characters in this book are animals. Lorenzo the lizard, Bernie the labrador, Darlene the cockatoo, Thaddeus the possum, etc etc!!! Erchh! Retchhh! Plus the main character, Sassycat - who takes on an invasion of ghosts and supernatural entities from a nearby cemetery. Can you imagine anything further removed from the real invasion of vileness threatening our planet? Kids' stuff! And a mockery of everything that Martin and we his vilewatchers are trying to achieve.

So, let Harland have his pathetic little corner of the bookshop shelves. The Vicar and The Black Crusade belong under 'S' for 'Smythe'. Only Martin could have written those deep and powerful works - it's undeniable now!

PSEUDO-AUTHOR KICKED AND HUMILIATED!

Yes, it all happened at Continuum 3 in Melbourne! There was Richard Harland, the pseudo-author who has claimed The Black Crusade and The Vicar of Morbing Vyle as his own writings – preening on stage as a Guest of Honour, alongside other Guests of Honour, Neil Gaiman, Poppy Z. Brite and Robin Hobb. Bet he thought he’d got away with it when his security guards prevented any disruption to his Black Crusade booklaunch on the Friday night! Little did he know what would happen in his Guest of Honour speech on Saturday morning!

It’s true, we vilewatchers were momentarily baffled on Friday. But Harland went too far in his Guest of Honour speech, when he not only claimed The Black Crusade as his own work, but poured scorn on our website and all the people who contribute to it.

First he was humiliated when Shane Jaraiya Cummings, from the audience, tried to blacken our name by bringing up the abduction of his co-editor on Shadowed Realms, Angela Challis. Angela was there to defend herself – and us! She told everyone how, in her period of captivity, she ‘d learned to sympathise with our vilewatching mission – and now believed that Martin Smythe was the true author of The Black Crusade. (See the story below.) You should have seen the pseudo-author’s face!

Of course, he tried to ignore our latest convert. He even tried to dismiss Martin Smythe as a mere character of his own creation. That was his big mistake – because he roused up the wrath of Martin himself! In an amazing scene, Martin appeared at the back of the auditorium – causing general consternation. He marched to the front, calling out in a great voice:

“I have seen vileness born and reborn!
I have seen vileness in the form of a vicar!”

Springing resolutely onto the stage, he seized Harland’s notes and threw the charlatan down on the floor. As Harland lay there whimpering for mercy, Martin put the boot in over and over again.

MARTIN PUTS THE BOOT INTO RICHARD HARLAND
(see the full-size original at http://www.tabula-rasa.info/Photos/Continuum05/Richard3.jpg)

Every vilewatcher and potential vilewatcher in the audience applauded. With a thunderous call of “Be very afraid of The Black Crusade”, our leader then marched from the room.

Of course, Harland tried to recover his dignity. But when the Guest of Honour speech came to an end, applause for Harland wasn’t enough. The audience demanded to honour Martin Smythe too! Martin’s re-appearance at the back of the room was greeted with prolonged and sincere applause, a hundred times more sincere than the applause meted out to the pseudo-author!

WE WIN!

So now it can be revealed! We said we had our reasons! Now read this latest item in Shadowed Realms -

11 July 2005 For The Record

Far be it for me to cast aspersions against an author of Richard Harland's apparent reputation. However, I feel compelled to publicly respond to the excerpt from his email recently posted by my supporting editor Shane Jiraiya Cummings.

While I am appreciative of Mr Harland providing a new story to be published in our special 'AHWA competition' Issue 6 (can we really be sure he wrote it?), I do not appreciate his suggestion that my recent 'holiday' was shabby!

During my 'time away' my lodgings were sparse but comfortable. I was sat in front of a spotlight—for warmth. The windows were barred and the doors remained locked—for my own protection. These wonderful people think of everything! My hosts were nothing but courteous and attentive. Many a long night was spent engaged in meaningful conversation with people who are clear of vision and pure of heart.

My thoughts have been cleansed—I have been shown the error of my ways. It is so so clearly obvious that the illustrious Martin Smythe is the true author of The Black Crusade. Please I urge you all, obtain a copy of The Black Crusade, discover the truth for yourself! Join me in the light and denounce the false author ... Richard Harland!

Angela Challis, Editor.

WE RELEASE ANGELA!

Yes, it’s true, we decided to release Angela Challis, the Shadowed Realms editor we snatched and abducted. The latest News update in their webzine shows how little they understand our motives .

“For reasons known only to the Vilebusters, they have decided (perhaps due to our bureaucratic inundation) to release Angela, forfeiting the ransom in the bargain! The only condition of her release was my signed promise as interim Shadowed Realms editor to never attempt to publish writings by Martin Smythe under any other name.“

Oh yes, we have our reasons! We were never very interested in ransom money – our cause is our only priority. We follow our leader Martin in despising mere filthy lucre. All we care about is converting people to our cause – and as for converting people … no, we won’t say any more about that just yet.

This is the Shadowed Realms version of events:

“Angela appears unharmed but strangely euphoric. It must be some vile(watch) drug!"

As if! A drug! What fools!

They go on to talk about negotiating with ‘Mr Harland’ over a story to appear in issue #6 of Shadowed Realms. Beware, Shadowed Realms, he’s probably pinched that story from someone else too. If you start getting involved with him, you’ll probably find every story on your webzine coming out under his name. He’s the most rapacious, brazen, grasping … No matter. It’s your worry now, not ours.

Farewell, Shadowed Realms. Don’t forget us, Angela. (We don’t think you will!)

VILEWATCHERS VICTORY!

Hah! We warned them! When flash fiction webzine SHADOWED REALMS said they had secured the rights to Richard Harland’s latest SON OF THE BLACK CRUSADE, we told them not to go ahead and publish! The fools! Now it’s included in Issue #5 on their website – but it didn’t last long! Heh! Heh! Vilewatchers are cunning, vilewatchers are insidious! We have ways and means of slipping into the most secure computer! SON OF THE BLACK CRUSADE was only up for five minutes before we warped it into unreadability!

Harland’s pathetic attempt to cash in on THE BLACK CRUSADE by producing a sequel has met the fate it deserves. As if a second-rate fantasist could follow on from the true facts of Basil Smorta’s experience! As if this hack novelist could usurp the position of our own Martin Smythe, who presented the original manuscript!

OTHER NEWS

Now available

YOU CAN GET YOUR 100 free Vilewatching-Needs-U stickers by writing to our PO address: Vilewatch, PO Box 214, Figtree, NSW 2525. See the Vilebusters page for a picture of the sticker. Also, just posted up and linked to the same page, 5 great examples of places to put stickers, photographed by Lysithea.

ALSO a Black Crusade T-shirt for only $15! Or two for $25! (Make out a cheque or money order to 'Chimaera Publications', but send it to our Vilewatch address: Vilewatch, PO Box 214, Figtree, NSW 2525. We'll arrange the rest.) See the Vilebusters page for a photo of the T-shirt.

PS. You can buy The Black Crusade from your local bookshop for $19.95. (If it has to be ordered in, the ISBN is 0-9752143-0-6, the distributor is Dennis Jones & Associates, and the phony author's name is 'Richard Harland'.) OR you can order direct from Chimaera Publications at their mailing address, PO Box 2164, Mt Waverley, VIC 3149, enclosing a cheque or money order for $22.95 (includes postage).

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